Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
