filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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