Who did Billy Mays play for?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
