Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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