I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
