so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
