fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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