this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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