Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I didn't notice because vodka
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
that may or may not have been my penis.
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