He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
