We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Semen is not good for contacts.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
