So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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