Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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