you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
