So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
