Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
