hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
