he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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