somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
