is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pooping to opera.
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