he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
