Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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