drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As shirtless as possible
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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