note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
