I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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