She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
