Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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