i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
