Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
