Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
