Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
