I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
