My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
