Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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