i think my tv is drunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
