Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
