Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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