It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
