i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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