Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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