i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
