if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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