I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
