It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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