You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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