He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
