I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize