So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
