I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
