I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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