and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
