Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
