so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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