what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
