You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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