Christians are straight up FREAKS
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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