he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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