kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
