Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
