Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
