Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
