I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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