That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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