bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
