my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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