I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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