dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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