Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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