Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
