Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
