dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
