she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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