Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
