I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
