I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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