I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
