i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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