It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
